The Art of Being Consistent: How to Show Up For Yourself

7 min read

“It’s not the lack of talent, it’s the lack of consistency.”

Have you ever considered that maybe your lack of success is not the lack of talent, but the lack of consistency? You’ve quit before things start taking off, or you’ve lost the momentum after a few setbacks. Perhaps we’re the ones who have been preventing ourselves from achieving greatness after all? We are our own worst enemy sometimes, aren’t we?

What is consistency?

Consistency is the discipline to put time, energy, and effort into doing something regularly over a long time. It’s the fire that keeps burning, the tree that keeps growing, the wheel that keeps turning after you’ve got started.

Take boiling water as an example. Imagine what would you get if you kept getting a pot of water off the heat before it got boiled? If you ever boil a large pot of cold water, you would know you couldn’t visually see any movements or any changes in water for a while. You may think there’s something wrong. It’s not working. When in fact, there’s nothing wrong with you or the water. It just needs more time.

Being consistent is not just ‘what you do’, but also ‘who you are.’

It’s a way of life. A musician is someone who practices and plays music. An athlete is someone who trains and competes in sport. A writer is someone who struggles to put words on paper and repeatedly questions whether he has wasted his life for nothing.. *ahem* …I mean someone who loves to read, write, and express their ideas! A bird flies because it is a bird. A fish swims because it is a fish. It’s what they are. It’s their nature.

“The more in tune with who you are and who you want to be, the stronger your capability to be consistent.”

Start with ‘Why?’

Let’s say you want to become good at painting–or insert any skill here.

• What are the reasons you want to do this?
• What do you hope to achieve from this?
• What does being good at painting mean to you?
• What values do you wish to create for yourself and others?
• What would you miss out if you don’t do it?

“Woah.. That’s a whole load of questions. I just came here for an answer!” you might’ve wondered. That’s because, actually, I’m a therapist! I love to listen and ask people a series of questions to help them learn and discover their own answers. Meaningful answers lie within you, and they are more significant and genuine.

After you’ve answered these questions, it will be clearer whether this is something you truly want to focus on. You might have already started and this would strengthen your determination even more.

A creature of habit

Okay, good! Now, what does a good painter do? They study and they paint, obviously. In order to be consistent with studying and painting, you must make them become your nature, or in other words, habits.

Think of some habits you already have.

• How did you get these habits?
• When did they start, and what did you do?
• What are the triggers or conditions for these habits?

Hints: look at your lifestyle, your living environment, and the people you surround yourself with.

It would not be hard to have a habit of going to a gym near your place where your folks hang out. Even a cat that grows up with a pack of dogs will certainly get some dog habits!

If you can manage these external factors, you won’t need so much willpower. If you can be in contact with people who are painters, be it in real life, or over the internet, you will have access to a steady stream of inspiration and support from the community. Social support is a powerful tool, utilize it. However, going solo alone is equally doable if you have strong willpower.

Start simple, start small

Pick something so simple and easy that your dog would give you a side-eye if you make an excuse not to do it. Picking up paints and only mixing random colors for a few minutes is easier than starting by painting 4 hours a day. How easy? Well, at least a chimpanzee can do it!

Get real with yourself, how much time and effort can you absolutely give to this? You will show up for yourself, however small it may be.

“When you promise yourself you’re going to do something, and you actually do it, you’re giving yourself respect.”

Your whole focus right now is to nurture the habit of painting, not the actual painting or the art skill. Chances are you’re going to be bad at first anyway even though you secretly hope that you’re not. Trust me, Someone somewhere on the internet would say an elephant could do better. It doesn’t really matter.

Make it your daily ritual

Although many people have advised that we should stick to the same time every day, personally, I don’t stick to a fixed schedule. I want some freedom and flexibility in my day. But, I make an effort to do it every day and put it on my schedule somehow.

You may have heard many times that it requires 10,000 hours to become an expert at something. It literally takes years to become great. The good news is that you will see progress along the way. Please allow yourself the time to grow. Trust in the process, do your daily ritual, and all is coming.

If you’ve decided you are painting 30 minutes a day, do it, no matter what. In that 30-minute session, you paint, or you study, and try your best not to do anything else. No mindless scrolling, no texting, no distractions. Either paint or do nothing, but stay in that space.

Keep the fire burning

Another thing that has helped me greatly is consuming inspirational and motivational resources (books, interviews, podcasts, etc.) related to the things I do on a regular basis, as a part of the practice. Also, look for a challenge, a contest, a collaboration, or a project. They’re fun ways to trick yourself into commitment.

But, life happens?

Yes, you will get sick, physically or mentally, you will have to travel, you will have to move to another place, change jobs, deal with family issues, schedule conflicts, accidents, you name it. That’s why I intend to do it daily because life will force you to miss a day here and there anyway.

To see real progress and keep the momentum in any skill building, 3 days a week is the minimum you should aim for. While being strict with the initial daily commitment, after you’ve done at least 3 days in that week and something comes up, give yourself some slack and take care of yourself.

“This is a marathon, not a sprint. Always manage your energy to keep you going.”

My personal experiences

It’s not easy. I’m not going to lie. There are still ups and downs, good days and bad days. Sometimes full of energy and motivation, and sometimes so drained and depressed. You will have to fight, you will need to learn how to navigate through the storm of life by yourself. But, don’t worry, it’s not only you. It happens to me and others, too.

It took me a few years of struggle before I could finally get the habit of going to the gym 3 days a week, and it took me another year before I could build up to 6 days a week. The training volume isn’t significantly higher, but the increase in frequency definitely improves my form and helps get me in the groove. It wasn’t something I was obsessed with at first, and I needed to put in a lot of effort for this major lifestyle change.

The funny thing is, today, it would feel so unnatural for me not to go to the gym. How amazing is it that a habit actually forms who you are?

Trusting the process

“Drop by drop is the water pot filled.”

The rewards you get from having self-discipline and self-control are unimaginable. Although we aren’t able to control the outcome of our endeavors, we might not reach the ultimate goal we aim for, but being able to show up for yourself every day is the best outcome in itself, isn’t it?

We’re in this together, and we will help build each other up. You’ve got this. You can do it. Start again. I believe in you.

Be kind, be happy.